Martin:
3 am, small DGH in the east of England. me: lonely HO on ward cover. Bleep: "Doctor, I am really not sure about this patient. Her temperature is 37 in the left ear and 35 in the right, could you please come and see her?"
James:
Text bleep while covering ICU: Come urgently! Patient is about to arrest!
Which patient? There are over 500 in the hospital
Where? They are scattered over 5 floors in 2 buildings
What number should i call to get hold of you to ask?
Aaaargh!
Cheryl:
as a medical HO on busy weekend on-call
Nurse : Can you came and see this lady she's bleeding!
Me : where from?
N : i don't know
M : well how much?
N : i don't know
M : is this patient about to die?
N : No. So are you going to come?
it turned out to be an old lady who had passed about 10mls of blood pv..
Davina:
On nights covering both orthopaedics and surgery on call. mercifully quiet at 3:50am so decided to attempt to nap. Bleeped at 4am:
"sorry doctor, thought should just let you know, Mr X (who is not my patient & I have no previous knowledge of) had the hiccups."
"Yes... what?"
"He had the hiccups, but we gave him peppermint water and he's fine now. Just thought should let you know." !!!!!
Joe:
Worst has got to be when I was a medical SHO on an Geris ward at 3am. Not a bleep but a request when I was stood on the ward.
Nurse: Doctor, can you come and see this patient, she'e bleeding PV
Me: How much?
Nurse: About 10 ml
Me: How old is she?
Nurse: 42.
Me: Probably on her period then, don't wake her up they'll see her in the morning.
Nurse: OK I'll wake her up
Me: I said don't wake her up! (too late, she's gone to wake her up)
Me: (to other nurse) What's this patient's diagnosis?
Other nurse: Psychosis
Me: Eh? What's she doing on a medical ward then?
Other Nurse: I don't know
First nurse: She's awake now
Me: Fine I'll see her (to patient) So what seems to be the trouble.
Patient (eyeball to eyeball at the top of her voice): DOCTOR IT IS TIME TO FREE THE ZIMBABEANS!!!!!!!!!!
Me: I'm off.
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